Sunday, March 04, 2007

Scoop

Britney Spears is reading Brooke Shields' book on post partum depression. If that doesn't take, Brooke says she would meet with Britney. If that doesn't take, maybe they'll look at putting her down.


Angelina Jolie filed adoption papers in Vietnam as a single parent.


Anna Nicole's grave has become the number one tourist site in the Bahamas. They love the exposure. I wish everyday could be Anna Nicole's funeral!

Slash went to Anna Nicole's funeral.

Donald Trump says Howard K. Stern is a "total loser."


The producers for the Simple Life rushed Nicole Richie to the hospital Friday for dehydration. They tricked her into eating some, too.


Elisabeth Hasselbeck says she and Rosie are friends, despite rumors stating otherwise.


Michael Jackson spent the weekend in Japan, shaking hands for $3500 a pop. Wet naps not included.


ABC is developing a sitcom based on the Geico caveman commercials.


One of Wolfgang Puck's employees may have given Hepatitis A to some of his catering clients. The health department says high profile people were possibly exposed. I just think it'd be funny if Paris caught Hepatitis A through eating.


It must suck being Jim Belushi's kid.


"I don't like mopeds anymore, daddy."

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Thursday, March 01, 2007

Scoop

John Travolta says Scientology could've saved Anna Nicole. "We could have helped her with Narconon but didn't get a chance." I wish I made that up.


Everyone got excited, thinking Britney Spears was wearing her wedding ring. After forensic examination of the picture, TMZ.com says the ring she's wearing is not her wedding band.


It only took a couple days for Bobby Brown to pay $20 thousand in back child support to get out of jail.


Kathy Griffin and Nick Carter got dinner together in front of TV cameras for the likely reality show, "Who wants to try to find the one named Nick Carter at this table?"


You know you're a complete loser when Jeff Goldblum files for a restraining order against you.


Sharon Stone passed out on a couch at a furniture store.

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Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Scoop

Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck enter catfight territory. Rosie told Elisabeth "You're very young and you're very wrong" as they were fighting over the Patriot Act.


Paris Hilton's been arrested for violating her probation, driving with a suspended license.


Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen have been playing tonsil hockey all over Italy. Looks like baby-daddy-mama-drama can't keep these two lovebirds apart!


The LAPD is looking into claims that Diddy knocked some guy out after the guy wouldn't let Diddy leave a party with his fiancee.


Critics can't get enough of naked Harry Potter riding a horse on stage.


The voice of Ernie the Keebler Elf is dead.

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Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Scoop

Antonella Barba, the reigning "Miss Nevada" of American Idol, seems to taking the bad press pretty hard. Her best friend, eliminated earlier in the competition, says "She's the least slutty person I know." I'm hoping she has some photographic evidence to back up that statement. Upload it. Then, we'll see.


Howard K. Stern might be a dirty bastard.

Where were you when you found out Anna Nicole died? Larry Birkhead was at the dentist.


Britney Spears' post-partum depression may the reason why Brit medicates with cocaine and ecstasy. Where's Tom Cruise?


Paris Hilton had an underpublicized breakup with her pet kinkajou, Baby Luv. The monkey-dog bit her too much. The government was likely behind the breakup, as they didn't want Baby Luv to contract Paris' diseases and spread them to innocent animals.


"Just a little chemical testing, that's all."


Eddie Murphy got pissed and walked out of the Oscars when he didn't win. Good.


Bobby Brown is in jail, and can't get out until he pays $20 thousand in back child support. He doesn't have that much, which some would find amusing.


Lindsay Lohan's looking good.

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Monday, February 26, 2007

Scoop

Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern's lawyers have been talking about a settlement. TMZ says Stern's lawyers may have nabbed a Styrofoam cup from Birkhead during the "who gets the body" case. They're speculating that Stern's lawyers tested it for DNA and found out Larry is the father.


Sources "close to" the Britney situation say it looks like Kevin Federline wants to give their marriage a second shot. Not that she's officially in his league, it might be doable.

Daniel Baldwin says he ran into Britney Spears and told her "Don't drink. Don't use." Ouch, first Courtney Love likes your bald head, now this.


Paula Abdul and Courtney Love went to Paris Hilton's birthday party.

However, the guy who called Lohan a "firecrotch" managed to scare them both away, along with other guests. Paris cried. Human tears.


"Any everyone thinks future me has just recently gone chemical."


Jennifer Hudson joins Kelly Clarkson as an ungracious American Idol graduate. She didn't thank Idol during her Oscar speech, and barely mentioned them backstage as being part of her "trials and tribulations."


James Blunt and his supermodel girlfriend drove over the leg of some autograph-seeker. It was likely an accident. James Blunt doesn't see the big deal, as someone drives over his crotch every time he has to hit the high note in "You're Beautiful."

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Sunday, February 25, 2007

Scoop

Kevin Federline visited Britney Spears in rehab.

Courtney Love thinks Britney's head shaving was pretty cool. When Courtney Love appreciates something you do, that's your cue to get into rehab.


American Idol contestant Antonella Barba is neck-and-neck with Britney Spears on Internet searches. Pictures of Antonella on the toilet, fake-lesbianing, and boob-profiling seem to be helping.

With a simple two fisted grab, Tyra proved that American Idol runner-up Katherine McPhee's boobs are real. The only thing that would've made it hotter would be if Donahue took Tyra's place.

If American Idol weren't a damaging enough experience to the tens of thousands of rejects, enjoy American Idol Summer camp.


CBS wants to hire Anna Nicole's corpse judge for a regular segment on The Early Show. The segment would be called "Morning Justice" and will run from 8:20am-a week and a half later.


Donald Trump tried to stop pregnant Access Hollywood host Nancy O'Dell from hosting the Miss USA pageant next month, but NBC overruled him. Trump doesn't like the idea of a pregnant woman hosting the show.


Rumors about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie adopting from Vietnam don't seem to be true. But all this Britney-Anna distraction could help them sneak an adoption in sometime.


The FCC is fining Spanish channel Univision $24 million for not carrying the required three hours of education programming aimed at children. They're trying to trick the FCC into thinking the soap operas are educational, but it doesn't seem to be taking. I'm not joking.

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Thursday, February 22, 2007

Scoop

Britney Spears is in rehab for the third time in the last week. She went back to stop Kevin Federline's motion for an emergency custody hearing.

Former potential nannies for Britney say she made it clear she wanted a nanny who was cool with her being naked all the time. That explains it. Her vagina must've gotten caught in a vacuum cleaner.

Anna Nicole sent a message to Britney six months before Anna died, looking for friendship. It didn't pan out. So, Anna could've taken Britney with her? Damn.


Bobby Trendy, Anna Nicole's former interior designer, hopes Larry Birkhead is the baby daddy because he's hotter than Howard K. Stern.


Grey's Anatomy homophobe Isaiah Washington says he won't be killed off the show, because the show wants to give people what they want: crappy writing and tension between actors.


Thanks to Power Hits afternoon host Matt McBain for pointing me to this story on the Wii at nursing homes. The picture is more important than the story.


Mii ID: "Snap-Crackle Pops."


Donald Trump wants to be buried on one of his golf courses in Jersey. Maybe they could fashion one of his orifi into a hole on the course.

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Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Scoop

Britney is out of a one-day rehab stint again, and even tried to get another tattoo on her way home. I'm telling you, those eyebrows are coming off.

It looks like Kevin Federline may be behind Britney's rehab and baldness, after all. Several sources say he threatened to get a hair sample to prove exactly what's been flowing through her veins.

Britney haters, pushed over the edge by her bald head, have been flooding the child services hotline in California.

It's not clear why, but Britney Spears has hired Mel Gibson's lawyer. I smell a drunken, anti-Semitic tirade coming.


It looks like Michael Jackson may seriously be considering a permanent freakshow in Vegas, asking Prince for some pointers.


Tom Brady's current supermodel girlfriend isn't letting his pregnant ex get him down. TMZ says she still wants to get married, and so does Tom.


Lindsay Lohan was spotted leaving a hotel with Steve-O. Maybe he's helping her with her substance problems?


Rosie O'Donnell couldn't crack a natural smile if her life depended on it:




Daniel Baldwin says he's innocent, and the fact that he's currently driving the alleged stolen car proves it. He then went off on how much he pays in taxes. I didn't know he made any money to be taxed, or had any money to pay any taxes.


Heather Mills will be on Dancing with the Stars when it starts back up in March. That's just cruel.


Ruben Studdard is telling kids to stay fit and not end up like him. He's lost 100 pounds, but he still has traces of Justin Guarini in his lower intestine.


J. Lo will perform on the April 11th American Idol. I guess they're sick of record-high ratings.

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Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Scoop

Oops, Britney Spears is in rehab again. I guess she'll just have eyebrows left to shave in celebration when she gets out again.

The salon where Britney chopped her hair off thinks it was a publicity stunt. Seals everywhere have been barking their approval ever since.


Donald Trump may become Britney's twin after Wrestlemania April 1st. He and Vince McMahon will each pick a wrestler. The loser gets his head shaved. I expect to see Brutus the Barber Beefcake for this.


"I also want Britney crotch duty."


During a break in the "who gets Anna Nicole's body" trial, Howard K. Stern received a subpoena for his DNA in Larry Birkhead's paternity suit. Stern's lawyers said "no fair!"

Great news: the Anna Nicole judge dreams of his own court show on TV. He's no Ito.

Feel bad for Anna Nicole's corpse? This should make you feel better: James Brown finally gets buried. Hopefully no one lights a match close to his body before they get him in the ground.


Nicole Richie pleaded "not guilty" to DUI.


Lindsay Lohan seems sober.


A judge has ordered O.J. Simpson to turn over his book earnings to the Goldman family. Or use it for golf.

Labels:

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Monday, February 19, 2007

Scoop

Britney Spears lied to a photographer before she got her haircut. He told her he liked her new brown hair. She said "Thanks, I think I'm going to keep it this way."

OMFG! Separated at birth:




Britney's wearing a blonde wig to cover up her baldness. I can't even tell it's a wig!


"I got it at Spencer's Gifts!"


Britney's mom is on a mission to get Britney back on track. I'm guessing a call to Federline should do the trick.


Rosie has a haiku invitation for Britney to come live with her family. Shaving your head will only get the lesbians more riled up for you, Brit.


Paris Hilton's taking some flack for red blotches on her chest and a sloppy makeup job over the weekend. She does still have hair, though.


Bridget Moynahan says Tom Brady is the baby daddy of her unborn child.

Labels:

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Sunday, February 18, 2007

Scoop

Britney Spears checked into rehab for one day, got all better, added some tats and went bald. Let's see Anna Nicole's corpse top that!

At the tattoo parlor, Britney explained that she shaved her head because she was sick of people touching her. I thought she got confused where her vagina was, but this makes more sense.


"I'm the next Sinead, bitches!"

Without naming her, Justin Timberlake called out Britney Spears at the Brit Awards Wednesday night. "Everyone have a great night. Stop drinking! You know who you are. I'm speaking to you. You are going to get sloppy." The message didn't get through.


Sylvester Stallone couldn't have debuted his mullet at a better time. He's allegedly sporting the "do" in preparation for Rambo IV.


"It makes my eyebrows less offensive."


Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz were caught making "non-touching nice" at a hotel bar in Hollywood.


Will.I.Am from the Black Eyed Peas has made the mistake of thinking Michael Jackson will pay him after they're done working on Michael's new CD. If Michael ends up paying, I'm guessing it will be in the form of the love he shows a child: free rides!


The View says everything's cool and no one's going anywhere.


The inventor of the TV remote is dead. Think about that when you're oiling up your remote with Dorrito crumbs.

Labels:

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Thursday, February 15, 2007

Scoop

A man convicted of making terrorist threats against Anna Nicole Smith has sent a letter to the tabloids saying he could be the baby daddy as Anna took a sperm sample from them when they dated. Odder: the letter looks to have been written in crayon.

Two years ago, Anna Nicole and Howard K. Stern pitched a reality show focusing on Anna's search for a husband. If only the networks said "yes," we might be able to watch her gruesome demise on E! Dammit.

A Florida judge wants enough DNA from Anna Nicole to counter a "baby switching plot." I hope the soap writers are all taking notes of this whole thing.

Former Anna fashion consultant Bobby Trendy says Anna Nicole, and her genitals, will be missed.


Despite attending his wedding, Jim Carey says Tom Cruise was "the big joke" of last year. At least Tom didn't have to die to get the distinction.


It's about time: news from the "astronauts are psycho" scandal. One of her plans was to bury the other astronaut alive.


A Paris Hilton autograph appearance at a mall in Vienna, Austria, ended after fans through a variety of objects on stage. They threw lipstick, tissues and cigarettes. No viles of penicillin, though.


Donald Trump is the new K-Fed, as he has an ongoing, on-screen feud with the WWE's Vince McMahon. You don't want to see Donald's "Rosie gut buster, " Mr. McMahon.


Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards spent Valentine's together with their two girls. Kinky reunion.


Heather Mills McCartney must not be planning on getting much from Paul in the divorce. She was caught at a flea market bargaining for second-hand electronics. Mainstream stores wanted an arm and a leg, and she only had one to give.


TMZ.com has finally helped me put my finger on John Mayer's new look, asking viewers if they notice the resemblance to Edward Scissorhands.

Labels:

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Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Scoop

Anna Nicole's nanny says Anna Nicole underfed her Dannielynn so her baby would be "sexy." Just as long as she didn't violate her TRIMSPA contract by giving the baby Slimfast, I'm cool.

One of Anna Nicole's doctor friends prescribed Methadone to Anna Nicole through a false name while she was eight months pregnant. If I find out he's behind the Worcester sauce in her fridge, I'm going f'n ballistic.

The courts have decided to release Anna Nicole's body, but they don't know who her legal next of kin is. David Gest?

"If I could get aroused in the company of human women, I could be the baby daddy."


Howard K. Stern can't leave the Bahamas with the baby until the legal situation gets cleaned up. For some reason, they think it will be safer for the baby to stay in the Bahamas with Howard.


Michael Richards had no comment for paparazzi asking for his thoughts on Anna Nicole Smith. If she were black, however...


Michael Jackson went on a toy shopping spree with his kids in Vegas. Instead of masks, they wore face paint. I'm not joking.


Lindsay Lohan is working again. No word just yet on her liver.


Girls Gone Wild has a new clothing line. Did they just cut out the middle man and put two holes on the front of the shirts?


Heather Mills McCartney kicked a photographer in the ass with her wooden leg, while filming all the action. I guess even she gets the hilarity in it.


I can't wait to get my spring loaded Heather Mills action-kick doll.


Labels:

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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Scoop

Anna Nicole is involved in a new custody suit: the one for her body. Her mom wants to bury Anna Nicole, but two court orders prevent her body from getting out of the fridge.

One of Anna Nicole's bodyguards says he could be the baby daddy. At this point, don't you need to have some kind of serious crotch rot to be in contention as the father?

A TRIMSPA executive says Anna Nicole would be in trouble for having Slim-Fast in her refrigerator, if it weren't for the fact that she's dead. They'll probably keep their bitching to a minimum.


Isaac Cohen is adding to rumors that Britney and him dated to make K-Fed jealous. I guess a new boyfriend is the next step to making an ex jealous, just after putting your vagina in every paper he flips through for the pictures.


Rumors place Michael Jackson as a guest and mentor for a week on American Idol. Aren't those kids a little too old to be working with Michael?


The least freaky Olson twin is responsible for the least freaky Olson twin photo in the last year, and it's still a bit odd. She's doing some kind of weird exercise routine.


"Coulier taught me this move."


Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie did an advertising shoot together at a jewelry store in Beverly Hills Monday. It's not clear how many hours it took to decontaminate the store after their departure.

Ivanka Trump is sick of comparisons to Paris Hilton. Ivanka says she works hard for her money, including 13-hour days. Paris just needs 10 minutes and an ever-decreasing amount of KY.


Vince Vaughn attended Jennifer Aniston's 38th birthday party. Was he looking to inspect her new nose before passing on her again?


For some reason, Diddy was yelling at Naomi Campbell at a Grammy party. Even more shocking: she didn't throw a Blackberry at him.


TurboTax has hired Vanilla Ice to promote their software. When K-Fed's too expensive, there's always Vanilla Ice.

Labels:

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Monday, February 12, 2007

Scoop

Howard K. Stern may be getting $1 million for his interview with Entertainment Tonight.

Police in the Bahamas reinterviewed Stern Monday morning about the death of Anna Nicole's son.

Nothing like dying to get people working on your legal problems. A newspaper in the Bahamas published these photos of Anna Nicole and the Bahamas' immigration minister.




Britney Spears partied so hard she puked all over her car this weekend. Should've gone with the soft tacos.


Paris BFF Kim Kardashian may have had her sex tape partner tossed out of pre-Grammy party she hosted.


John Mayer's hands victimized Jessica Simpson's various PG bodyparts at the Grammys.


"Watch out for the fangs, Jess!"


Diddy had to have uncloseted Grey's Anatomy star T.R. Knight and a couple castmates removed from his V.I.P. area Friday night. You could blame Diddy's homophobia if it weren't for Diddy having no clue who he was.


Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown had dinner together Sunday night. Monday, she went to the doctor because she fell into a door.


Tara Reid doesn't want anything to do with Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis after he said she's terrible in bed. Or maybe it's because he turns his camera off when she flashes for a T-Shirt.


Hulk Hogan's wife says their daughter Brooke will be taking over Paris Hilton's spot as queen of the night life in Hollywood. Will she be taking over the Pharmacy Queen title too?

Labels:

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Sunday, February 11, 2007

Scoop

Inside Anna Nicole's Refrigerator of Death: Slimfast, yogurt and methadone. I guess we can rule out "spoiled methadone" as a cause of death.

Recent plastic surgery may have killed her, instead. Queen of Anna Nicole Knowledge Rita Cosby says Anna Nicole had her boobs redone.

Howard K. Stern is mourning, but happy to take cash for interviews, if you've got it.

Anna Nicole's baby daddy could be Howard, Larry Birkhead, Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband or even her old dead husband, thanks to frozen sperm.


"One down. One to go, Daniellynn."


Good luck getting a hotel where Anna Nicole died. They've locked it down to ensure this story gets us much unnecessary attention as possible.


Rosie O'Donnell can get press when she doesn't even try. She bashed Anna Nicole on The View just hours before she died.





The head of Cartoon Network resigned thanks to a bunch of morons scared of Lite Brights.


Thank God Anna Nicole's death hasn't stopped Paris Hilton from shopping. Are those bags filled with Valtrex, Paris?


Lindsay Lohan's mom says Lindsay is happy in rehab. Maybe it's all the drinking.


Human Rights First says more torture is happening in Iraq, and it's all because Jack Bauer makes it look cool. Nice.


Kevin Costner will be a father all over again. Then he'll shoot a crappy movie.


"Norbit," starring multiple Eddie Murphys, was the number one movie this weekend. Only heartless sons-of-bitches would see a movie after Anna Nicole's untimely demise. No surprise they chose this one.

Labels:

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Thursday, February 08, 2007

Scoop

Anna Nicole Smith collapsed and died at the Hardrock Motel in Florida. Nothing makes you feel bad about making fun of and/or suing someone than them dying on you. She was 39.


No hard feelings between Britney Spears and male model Isaac Cohen. Now they're saying he ended the relationship because their schedules never line up.

Britney's not wasting time, having been linked to JC Chasez and whoever's hand is in this picture. And she's not a lesbian.


"Just getting my butthole flossed, that's all."


Britney Spears and Paris Hilton both canceled appearances at Fashion Week to avoid running into each other. Paris is sick of asking for her Valtrex back.


Nicole Richie told Paris she's scared of going to jail for her second DUI arrest. Paris told her everything was going to be fine. Then Paris took steel wool to her own vagina.


You won't see Paris BFF Kim Kardashian get peed on after all. The porn company says that scene won't be in the release.


Justin Timberlake has started performing his "Dick in a Box" routine on stage.


Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crow were caught hanging out at one of their favorite restaurants.


Jessica Simpson's new brown hair made it easy for her to go unnoticed by cameras the other night. Or maybe they realized she was Jessica Simpson and no longer worth wasting film on.

Labels:

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Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Scoop

Miss USA returned to work for Donald Trump Tuesday. She's modeling for his new catering company. She won't comment on the Donald-Rosie feud, but you have to imagine Rosie is steamed about Trump moving in on her territory: food.


Check out Britney's new hat.

"I can guard something Russian now, right?"


Britney was partying with former Timberlake 'N Sync partner JC Chasez, and had the DJ stop a Justin Timberlake song and start something different. Snap.

She may be testing JC, as she's no longer together with Isaac Cohen. He broke up with her on the phone, and says she was a "bit much" for his liking. Or was he speaking of the black hole between her legs?


You'll be able to see Paris Hilton BFF Kim Kardashian in all her urinal glory after all. Porn company Vivid has bought and will release "Kim Kardashian Superstar." It'll be like Jesus Christ Superstar except no singing, no Jesus and more body parts.


President Bush Senior had lunch with Teri Hatcher Tuesday. He even snuck in a kiss on the cheek and a little pat on the ass. Bill Clinton just went soft.


While filming in Detroit, Daniel Baldwin says a warrant for his arrest "isn't true." Lying piece of paper.


Tori Spelling gave Tupperware and the Kama Sutra Weekender Kit to guests at her baby shower. For those times when you need fresh bodily fluid souvenirs from the bedroom, Tupperware and the Kama Sutra Weekender Kit are there.


Weird-face girl from American Idol was arrested in August for pouring sugar in her ex-boyfriend's gas tank.

"Cheese."

Paula Abdul was supposed to star in her own reality show. Paula killed the show because she couldn't have editorial control. I just can't imagine what Paula would want to censor from the public.


I just noticed Reba's been on for ten minutes while I've been writing this. I'm off to the therapist.

Labels:

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Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Scoop

Anna Nicole and TRIMSPA are being sued. TRIMSPA for being bogus. Anna Nicole for pitching it and making it look like you could totally catch a buzz using it.


Mike Tyson is at the same rehab facility as Lindsay Lohan. She's still the worse resident, somehow.


Tom Cruise has been talking to Ben Stiller about doing "The Hardy Men" together. After their done with that, maybe they could try doing a movie about grownup versions of "The Hardy Boys."


Paris Hilton will be at the upscale Vienna's Opera Ball next week. After leaving, a new STD strain known as Paris Opera Ball will emerge.


Scarlet Johannson and Justin Timberlake spent the weekend partying at the Super Bowl. Justin's spent the days since applying ointment.


O.J. Simpson says there were some inaccuracies in "how I would have done things" in his unreleased book, "If I Did It." I would start with the word "If."


Miss USA and Miss Teen USA shared a runway this weekend. No word whether they shared each others' runways again.


Kevin Federline looks far less annoying when he hangs out with Steve-O.


"You go knock that chick up, and I'll staple my sack to my leg."


There's a warrant out for Daniel Baldwin. He failed to appear for car theft charges and behavior unbecoming a Baldwin.


Cuba Gooding Jr. has dropped the N-word twice in the last two weeks. Racist. If he weren't black, I'd say he was just like Michael Richards.


Who knew astronauts had such a soap opera-like flair for the dramatic? One female astronaut, who was in space a year ago, stalked another female astronaut over some Navy Commander. She even sprayed some mace into the woman's car. Astronaut cat fight. Nice.

Labels:

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Monday, February 05, 2007

Scoop

Britney Spears spent the weekend at Fashion Week, observing...not vagina flashing.


They didn't catch her drinking, but TMZ.com found Lindsay Lohan barhopping with Paris Hilton this weekend.


I'm not sure why we needed confirmation on this, but Ron Jeremy says he did indeed show his schlong to Paris Hilton.


An Israeli-Palestinian peace group is trying to get Rosie and Trump to come to their gala to put their differences behind them. Or at least build a fence.


Katie Holmes was caught wearing Granny panties.




Jennifer Aniston's nose job is now being explained away as a fix for a deviated septum. But what will fix her deviated heart?


Kiefer Sutherland admits he is friends with Andy Dick. Move over, Miss USA!


Jessica Simpson as the designated driver sounds pretty frightening.

By the way, it looks like Jessica is set to ruin Christina Aguilera with her friendship.

And Jessica was a little hurt when Nick started dating within three weeks of their breakup.


Chris Tucker's making $25 million for Rush Hour 3. That's annoying to me.

Labels:

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Sunday, February 04, 2007

Scoop

Britney Spears has been wearing her boyfriend's Star of David necklace, leading some to speculate on a conversion to Judaism. She likes the word "kosher."

Kevin Federline demanded a room upgrade in Miami for the Super Bowl. He said his hotel room wasn't big enough for all his women. He would also need an industrial strength air pump for all his women.

Kevin even got to go to Lebron James' Super Bowl party. No word on if he brought queso or reefer.

K-Fed's friends say Britney's been calling Kevin, trying to get back together with him. Kevin's friends also say Kevin is the most popular rapper in the country. They are also high.


Katie Holmes says she loves calling Tom Cruise her husband. She also likes being locked in a room 23 hours a day.


Justin Timberlake will host the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards at the end of March. Maybe he'll perform and rip the crotch out of Spongebob's square pants.



Paris' current BFF, Kim Kardashian, admits the existence of a sex tape. However, she says it won't be released. It features her and Brandy's brother, who doesn't go around slamming his car into people.

Meanwhile, a judge has blocked ParisExposed.com, a website that's somehow managed to find even more slutty information on Paris, including medical records.


Tupperware through Tori Spelling's baby shower. I'm as confused as you.


David Spade and Heather Locklear aren't together anymore. But it'll be years before his taint wears off Heather Locklear.

Labels:

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Thursday, February 01, 2007

Scoop

Michael Jackson's kids were walking around without masks in Vegas yesterday. Seems like the right place to do it.


Miss USA won't be posing for Playboy. They can probably PhotoShop her various body parts together for something similar, though.


Rather than wear something reasonable, Britney Spears cups her nips to hide them from cameras.


"Could someone stop that baby from crying?"


Taco Bell wants Kevin Federline to come work for an hour in one of its stores. Everyone who comes will get free food. Last year, Kevin said his kids would have to work for Taco Bell one day, regardless of how rich they are. Oddly, Kevin may have to work there because of how rich he is.


Courtney Love will not be on American Idol in any way. One of her vomit piles was scheduled to make an appearance during the Seattle tapings, but ended up on the cutting room floor.


Lindsay Lohan has opted out of a movie role so she can focus on taking frequent breaks from rehab.


I don't think Bob Saget looks like that proud of a TV Father in this picture.


"Love that Joker!"

Labels:

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Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Scoop

If you can turn it into a powder, Miss USA has probably had it up her nose. That's what she's supposed to tell Matt Lauer on Thursday's Today.


Star Magazine says Federline turned down a $25 million divorce settlement from Britney. That doesn't even cover the damages his image has suffered from wrecking her vag.


Courtney Love will not be replacing Paula Abdul on American Idol. They would likely go with someone LESS chemically challenged if they replaced Paula.


"Sing any Nirvana song, and you write a check to me."


Isaiah Washington is out of homophobe rehab and back on the Grey's Anatomy set.


TMZ.com has sources who say Sienna Miller and Diddy didn't do the diddy.


Seeking privacy, Brad Pitt had conversations with every photographer stationed outside his mansion. Didn't take.


Anna Kournikova is the spokesperson for the "Got breakfast?" campaign, an initiative from the Federal School Breakfast program. I would think her a better fit for the "Got Milk?" ads.

Labels:

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Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Scoop

Isaac Cohen, a Britney Spears chaser, bought seven pairs of panties. Maybe he's just using Britney so he doesn't have to see her giner in the papers anymore.


"Brit, move your hands, hon. We can't get a shot."


You can watch Kevin Federline's Super Bowl ad here. Pretty good. Now he can go away.


OMG! You can almost kinda see the start of Paris Hilton's ass crack in this picture!


"I think Nicole Richie's stuck between the cheeks!"




Ex-Miss Nevada is now current Miss Jet Las Vegas 2007 for Jet nightclub and partied until at least 4 am. Hooray. Now if she'd just take her top off and makeout with Celine Dion.


Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban had sushi together Monday night, meaning everything's cool.


Andy Dick tried to get in Kiefer Sutherland's limo the other night. Denied. Kiefer doesn't have a coke problem just yet, otherwise Andy might have succeeded.


Here's why I don't let myself be photographed naked next to a horse:


"That horse puts you to shame, Harry."

Labels:

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Monday, January 29, 2007

Scoop

Britney Spears has been trying to get a hold of Justin Timberlake, but he's not answering her calls. No reunion? Might have something to do with her crotch looking like it gave birth to a watermelon.

Or maybe he's holding out for Lance Bass. Lance just updated his status to "single" on MySpace, and has JT's "What Goes Around" as his profile song.


Lindsay Lohan is scaring people away from rehab. One of the rehabees left the center and said Lindsay ruined everyone else's rehab fun.


Isaiah Washington wasn't at the Screen Actors Guild Award with his Grey's Anatomy cast mates. Did anyone check Fred Phelps' place.


Uh oh, Diddy dropped Jude Law's ex off at her place Sunday morning. The, he did the "stand-there-and-stare of shame."

Labels:

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Sunday, January 28, 2007

Scoop

Katie Holmes turned down $2 million for a Batman sequel, and will instead accept $250 thousand for a role in "Mad Money," a comedy. I think she's cool on money for awhile, so don't worry too much.


J. Lo on Scientology: "It's weird people want to paint it in a negative way...It's just sad that people would look at it in that way." Same goes for Gigli. By the way, it looks like her dad's been a Scientologist for almost 20 years.


TMZ.com says the following photo is the first proof of the existence of the second Federline child. Or a loaf of bread.




Jennifer Aniston might have a new nose, and she's not happy with her plastic surgeon for talking to the tabloids.

The Enquirer says Jen plans on adopting two kids. Why does that sound familiar?


Lindsay Lohan's rehab-mates are annoyed with all the special treatment and extra recesses for Lohan.


Jessica Biel flew out to hang out with Justin Timberlake, and they may have done "the deed" to some degree.


Armed and Famous got its Latoya Jackson handed to it by American Idol and won't be back until the Summer. I'm not aware of what programing will replace it, or could possibly be worth pissing away more than this one.


Michael Jackson, in a phone interview, says he's in the U.S., but he won't say where. Probably in some pubescent's bed.


Mary-Kate Olson needs a bigger purse to hide behind.


"Didn't Han Solo give that fur to Luke in Empire Strikes Back? Where are the guts?"

Labels:

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Thursday, January 25, 2007

Scoop

Nicole Kidman went to the hospital as a precautionary measure after she was involved in an accident in a stunt car on a movie set. I'm confused.


Miss USA will do her first post-rehab interview February 1. I hope she pukes on Roker.


The Grey's Anatomy cast is giving Isaiah Washington the shun treatment.


Lindsay Lohan took a break from rehab for lunch with her friends.


Jessica Simpson may be using John Mayer to get back at Nick Lachey. I'm still not sure what John's using her for.


Cameron Diaz went golfing with that surfer guy she's been seeing. Things must be getting serious if he's sport-jumping for her.


TMZ.com reports that Marky Mark had a salad and a bottle of vitamin water by himself.


Keith Urban's ready to return to music. The cocaine will come naturally.

Labels:

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Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Scoop

Kevin Federline has been telling Britney Spears to get into rehab for the sake of the kids. Ouch.


Isaiah Washington has gone into homophobe therapy. First lesson: tolerating highlights on men.


Paris' little sister Nicky was overheard telling Paris to "just walk in a straight line." They'll work on puking in a straight line at a later date.


Jessica Simpson is riding with John Mayer on his tour bus. She'll rub her "suck" off on him if it's the last thing she does.


I hope this doesn't spell doom for their planned makeout session on "Dirt," but the Enquirer says Jennifer Aniston is pissed at Courteney Cox for being nice to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.


A restaurant trade association is upset about a Superbowl spot starring Kevin Federline as a fast food worker. Their employees are much more qualified than K-Fed.


Mandy Moore is dating Nicole Richie's ex. A couple fingers down the throat and she'll surely be his dream girl.


Dustin Diamond is trying to get more free stuff than Gary Coleman at the Sundance Film Festival. If he loses, he can always draw a nice mustache on Gary's face while he sleeps.


Sharon Stone hasn't been wearing her bra. I'm glad to see she's doing her part in spread the message of abstinence to children.


Frankie Muniz is sporting a new badass haircut and "don't 'f' with me" strut.


"Jane Kaczmarek can eat my ass."


Rachel Ray said Oprah "obviously has problems being black" in reference to a photo that depicts Oprah with slavery whip marks simulated on her back.


Rumors swirl that Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek are more than just friends.


George Lopez says Jay Leno is a terrible interviewer and a two-face. No double-chin yet. That would be devastating.

Labels:

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Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Scoop

Watch out! Rumors are swirling that Jennifer Aniston and Courteney Cox are going to at least have a makeout session on the season finale of Courteney's F/X drama "Dirt."


It seems as if Lindsay Lohan can take breaks from rehab whenever she wants.


Anna Nicole has found a new shanty in the Bahamas.

Here's something odd: an instant message exchange between Anna Nicole and Larry Birkhead, potential baby-daddy. TMZ.com changed the screen names, so don't waste your time trying to get Anna Nicole to your place.

Anna Nicole quit trash me at the casino
Larry not at a casino
Anna Nicole go f**k my mom to
Anna Nicole Yall are sick
Larry show up for the test with the baby\
Anna Nicole don't think so
Anna Nicole u wish
Larry everybody just want u to do right thing is all
Anna Nicole in your dreams


A porn peddler is trying to get Paris Hilton and Jenna Jameson to participate in "Virgin Territory," a project aimed at devirginizing people. There aren't too many other details, but I'm wondering if each woman gets a scorecard.


Tara Reid got sandwiched by Akon and one of his band members, "Night at the Roxbury"-style. TMZ.com has the awkward video.

Labels:

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Monday, January 22, 2007

Scoop

Paris Hilton has decided to stop fighting her DUI case and pleaded "no contest." She has to pay $1500 and go to an alcohol education program. Or teach it.


Anna Nicole Smith's lawyers are trying to avoid a Tuesday deadline for a paternity test.

Meanwhile, she lost her case against the dude who wanted his house back in the Bahamas. They'll fumigate the house, then her vagina.


Tara Reid showed up at the Sundance Film Festival. Maybe she thought she could enter film of her old areola as some kind of art piece.


Johnny Depp has an old school electric chair in his living room. So that's how he gets his hair to do that.


Kate Moss helped push a Mercedes out of the mud. Then she did a celebratory line off the hood.


Paris Hilton was caught leaving her house with a pillow. No word on who's love stain was planted on it moments later.


Billy Ray Cyrus will be on Dancing with the Stars. I wonder which star they'll pair him with.


Some PETA members snuck into an audition for J. Lo's reality series "Glow After Dark." On stage, one yelled out "J. Lo, fur ho." J. Lo corrected them, saying her title should always come first.


Ashlee Simpson says she likes that people pay more attention to Jessica than her in public. She can plan on keeping it that way.


Mike Tyson says he has nothing to do with the bags of coke cops found on him during his DUI arrest. No comment on the half-eaten Lennox Lewis spawns in the trunk.


Isaiah Washington met with gay rights groups to apologize, and say "I would never call you all a bunch of faggoty fag fag fags."


Keith Urban has sent a video message to fans thanking them for their support during his rehab. It may not sound like much until you think about how much time he had to spend getting dried-up vomit off the camera lens.

Labels:

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Sunday, January 21, 2007

Scoop

Britney Spears reads US Weekly to catch up on what she does while wasted. Nice floral outfit.


"Those damn zoom lenses could make anyone's vagina look wretched!"


Kevin Federline took in a Justin Timberlake concert. Fifteen women left the show pregnant.

Justin Timberlake didn't dump Diaz to get back together with Britney. He's fine with her being trashy by herself.


Ex-Miss Nevada says she was so blitzed she doesn't even remember putting an assortment of nipples into her mouth in front of cameras.


Halle Berry's remodelers are only allowed to talk to her if she talks to them first. She's probably sick of hearing how hard Catwoman blew. Even from immigrants.


Orville Redenbacher lives! One of the creepiest things I've ever seen.





Speaking of zombies, there's a rumor going around that Bob Ross will rise from the dead for his own game on the Nintendo Wii, although it looks like they're looking for a new developer already.


"Unbutton your shirt to your belly, roll a doobie, and break out the pthalo blue."

Labels:

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Thursday, January 18, 2007

Scoop

Britney hit up a hamburger joint in West Hollywood for some nachos. She thanked the cooks and even offered to "work in your kitchen one night," without even asking about the pay.


It looks like Lohan is in for a full 30-day rehab.

The guy who called Lohan a firecrotch played a key role in getting her into treatment.


Paris Hilton's taking her acting career seriously. She hasn't been partying, while filming 10 hours a day for "The Hottie and the Nottie." Even her crotch scabs are starting to heal over.


Both Simpson sisters are on Donald's good side. Photographers spotted them at the launch party for Trump Vodka. Rosie will never forgive them for stiffing her "I like eating cupcakes" party to attend Trump's function.


One of Nicollette Sheridan's male buddies got into an argument with a photographer. The photographer told the guy to keep his hands to himself if he didn't want to get hurt. I'd hate to see the bloody mess the paparazzi would've become had he been talking to Nicollette's fiance, Michael Bolton.

Labels:

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Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Scoop

GLAAD isn't happy that Grey's Anatomy's Isaiah Washington used the word "faggot" again to say that he didn't say "faggot" in the first place. Meanwhile, his castmates say he did say "faggot." Both times.


Paris Hilton's current BFF, Kim Kardashian, doesn't deny the existence of a sex tape depicting her and Brandy's brother doing some dirty, barely sub-Screech things. As TMZ.com says, "it's a pisser." Isn't a little early in the BFFship for upstaging?

Important nugget: "Kim Kardashian, who has a fashion consulting business, is the daughter of OJ Simpson's late attorney and best buddy, Robert Kardashian." How long before we see "If I drank it" on the shelves?


Nicole Richie had a plate of nachos AND a soda.


You can let the children out again, Britney Spears' rep says she isn't pregnant.


Is Paula Abdul going to be smashed for every episode of American Idol again? Here's her little drunk-seeming TV interview everyone's talking about, if you haven't seen it:




J. Lo and Marc Anthony were caught in the middle of a late night McDonald's run. Watching Gigli makes one hungry for 2 for $1 apple pies.


"Hi. I'm Marc Anthony! Remember me?"

Labels:

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Thursday, January 11, 2007

Scoop

Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz have finally confirmed their breakup.


Good sign: Britney's manager is carrying the kid.


"...and then this little chihuahua fell out of my vagina."


Madonna is on Rosie's side in the Trump feud. So I guess that's a point for Trump.

Trump says Star Jones called to congratulate him on his feud with Rosie. Point for Rosie.


David Beckham signed a five year, $250 million contract to play with the L.A. Galaxy in Major League Soccer. I'm still not sure how the five people in attendance will offset that kind of cash.


Paula Abdul will serve as executive producer for "Bratz: The Movie." She'll probably be drunk or high.


Tara Reid got to swim with a dolphin at Sea World.


Mini Me is in rehab.

Labels:

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Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Scoop

Donald Trump might want to consider shutting up.

Rosie and Barbara humiliated him on the latest "View."

All he could come back with was calling Barbara a "sad figurehead dominated by a third-rate comedian."

Trump and Conan had a little awkward exchange of their own Tuesday night.


Paula Abdul says Simon Cowell saved her ass when contestant Corey Clark said he had done the dirty with Paula. "There's the times when he's like a big brother – or a lover." Creepy.


Mike Tyson had just escaped from rehab when he got busted for DUI and cocaine possession. Police followed the trail of earlobes belonging to rehab security guards.


"I'll eat rehab's children!"


The Enquirer says Lohan may have permanent liver damage from drinking. Doctors discovered the problem during her appendectomy. They opened her up and her liver was smoking a cigarette.


Tom Crusie and Katie Holmes have 24 hour security around Suri, fearing an abduction plot. But who would dare challenge the spawn of Tom?


Courteney Cox says she'll have Jennifer Aniston guest star on her new F/X tabloid drama "Dirt." Like Jennifer has any relevant experience. F'ing cronyism.

Labels:

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Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Scoop

Britney Spears and Paris Hilton are Mr. Blackwell's worst dressed celebrities. I didn't know two women could make the list. Or does he count Britney's vagina as its own species?


"Is that your crotch-rot smell or mine?"


Britney hung out with a sailor this weekend. And now it looks like sake was to blame for her New Year's pass out.


Paris pleaded not guilty to her DUI charge. Not guilty by reason of sluttyness?


Rosie's winning. The View's ratings are up since her feud with Trump started. The Apprentice got it's ass kicked Sunday night by Desperate Housewives, Cold Case, and just barely edged out Family Guy reruns.

Meanwhile, Donald sent a letter to Rosie (must read). He explains more things that Barbara Walters said about Rosie. The good news: he refers to Kelly as Rosie's "wife." It looks like he is trying to make The View implode. Stay strong Joy Behar.


Suzanne Somers' house in Malibu burned down. I'm betting an overheated ThighMaster got it started.


CBS turned down the opportunity to have a porn site pay $50 million for a SuperBowl ad.

Labels:

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Monday, January 08, 2007

Scoop

Britney Spears got paid $400 thousand for her little pass-out fest New Year's Eve.


It's quite possible Paris Hilton has never pumped a gallon of gas in her life. Before sending some photographer off to get her some gas, she said "how much is gas?"

Tourists regular gather outside Paris' house. Or they think it's a brothel.


Screech may have had a peen double in his little porn video. I'm guessing Elizabeth Berkley.


Anna Nicole Smith made the most of a photo op with Hulk Hogan.


"We should trade bras sometime, Hulkie!"


Nicole Richie went on a vacation to Mexico. I'm guessing she won't be back after finding no decent bathroom to vomit in.


Rosie did her typical boring Trump rant, but Trump didn't even drop her name in his appearance on the Regis program.


Angelina Jolie doesn't love Shiloh as much as her adopted kids. "I think I feel so much more for Madd and Zee because they're survivors, they came through so much. Shiloh seemed so privileged from the moment she was born. I have less inclination to feel for her." Let's just hope Shiloh doesn't get her hands on this month's "Elle U.K." magazine.

Angelina also thinks Madonna broke the law when she bought herself a kid. Apparently you have to be with a man who hasn't bathed in 17 days to adopt a kid from Africa.


Nick Lachey isn't quite ready to ask Vanessa Minnillo to be his wife. I would hope he plans to do so before he stops being famous completely.

Labels:

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Sunday, January 07, 2007

Scoop

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have a temporary custody agreement through the end of January. He can spend time with the kids from noon-4 p.m. every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at Britney's house. Federline translation: liquor cabinet! Cartoons!

Britney is still partying it up. Her vaginometer must be on high alert, though. Still no photos.

Britney's record label says it isn't dropping her.


Paris Hilton's Bentley ran out of gas, and a paparazzi offered to help. Once we can get some decent crotch-boil powered cars around here, she won't have to worry about that.


Nicole Kidman may or may not look pregnant, but she does shop pregnant. She bought a $400 diaper bag. Maybe Tom is coming to visit the kids.


Oprah Winfrey was the target of a $1.5 million extortion plot. Some dude said he had sensitive recordings of conversations with one of Oprah's people. Is someone blabbing about the secret Gayle King-Jesus Juice room again?


Tara Reid's ass, courtesy TMZ.com:

"Unintelligible Jaba-the-Hutt speak."

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie dropped $8 thousand a night on a place in the Virgin Islands. Sick of vacationing in poor countries? Or simply searching for a kid with a little more sophistication?


Save Lindsay Lohan, saved the world. Hours after her appendicitis, she was seen running around yelling out for "Michael." I can't think of what liquor that must be.

Lohan stood up Al Gore. Just a couple months ago she was talking about how Al Gore could help fix her.


Marilyn Manson's marriage is over after only one year. I no longer have faith in any marriage.


Donald Trump's prefabricated wife Melania is taking Donald's side. She says Rosie should read Trump's book. I'm guessing someone told Melania the gist of it, for surely she cannot read.

Labels:

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Thursday, January 04, 2007

Scoop

Donald Trump went off on Meredith Vieira on the Today Show for asking him about the Rosie feud. Yeah, can't she tell he doesn't like talking about that?

Just Wednesday night, he told Showbiz Tonight that Barbara was lying through her teeth when she read her little prepared "we love Rosie" speech on The View.


Britney's manager says Britney is aware of the backlash against her and knows what she needs to do to win back fans. Someone call Hefner.


Justin Timberlake showed up solo to the premiere of Alpha Dog.


Lindsay Lohan had her appendix removed. Maybe alcohol has been keeping her from rejecting it until now.


Jessica Simpson is doing Pizza Hut commercials again. Let's just hope she can recapture the magic that made the DirecTV spots so good.


Paris Hilton keeps Jack Daniels in her trunk. I'm more concerned about the Barbie car.




A judge froze O.J. Simpson's assets. $1 million from his book deal was sent to a dummy corporation to avoid having to pay Ron Goldman's family for hypothetically murdering their son.


Busta Rhymes got arrested for beating the crap out of some dude in a dispute over money. Sadly, I can't tell you who owes who.


Leonardo DiCaprio adopted a kid in South Africa. Unlike Madonna and Angelina, he's letting the kid stay in his country and simply cash checks from Leo.


Some demented fan attacked the guy who plays John Black from Days of our Lives. From TMZ.com: "He was with his family in the backyard of their Malibu home when Carl Raymond Cheney came onto his property and ran at his daughter carrying a bible screaming "Where is he? I will cast him out!" Hogestyn says Cheney was "calling me by my stage name... recalling past storylines, especially the demonic possession of several years past. But more important, he thought I was dead, because the show that aired on Friday 12.29.06 left my character John Black shot & presumed dead." Classic.

Labels:

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Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Scoop

The tabloids say Britney's record label is thinking about dropping her. I guess her vagina disappointed them, too.


Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz didn't spend Christmas together, leading tabloids to claim "it's over!" I think Britney's available.


SpyOnVegas.com caught Paris Hilton taking an ice cube to the face. I guess that's better than the alternative.


Barbara Walters says Rosie is here to stay, regardless of what Trump thinks. What does Trump think? Rosie's fat and ugly.


Whitney Houston is selling her bras and panties to keep her cash flow intact. I guess that's better than trading them directly for crack.


Mario Lopez will host the Miss America Pageant in Vegas. I hope he knows they're not as slutty there as they are in the Miss USA competition.


Jamie Foxx couldn't convince Usher to take a shot at a New Year's Eve party. Usher wanted to stay sober and avoid any possible vagina slips.

Labels:

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Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Scoop

Jessica Simpson's dad is annoyed at her for turning down a New Year's Eve hosting gig at a club in Vegas so she could hang out with John Mayer. Britney Spears ended up hosting the event, where she had her little pass out/spontaneous sleep. At least Joe Simpson doesn't touch her.


Nick Lachey and Vanessa were dirty dancing at some club when Vanessa stumbled backward and out the back entrance. Nick got annoyed and walked away while her girlfriends took care of her.


TMZ.com says Jessica Alba is too skinny.


Moments later, Jessica's rib cage shredded the Nerf ball.


Anna Nicole Smith has until January 23 to get a paternity test.


Oprah opened a school in South Africa. Stedman continued to sit there with a mustache.


"Stedman, you have Oprah in your stash!"


Attempting to deliver a compliment, will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas says Michael Jackson still "sings like a bird." Unfortunately, he still "acts like a pedophile."


The father of Madonna's adopted son wants to know how his kid is doing but has no way of getting in contact with her. I'm glad he reminded me to loathe her today.


Will Ferrell's son Magmus now has a little bro, Mattias. And they can even have their first argument over who's name is more embarassing.


Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy got renewed through the 2012 season. I just hope we see some retro facil hair on Trebek before his time's through.


Demi Moore isn't pregnant on the cover of Vanity Fair. She's not creepily old enough yet.


Nicole Kidman insists she go on every tour with Keith Urban.


Kelly Osbourne isn't making any New Year's Resolutions.

Labels:

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Monday, January 01, 2007

Scoop

Britney Spears people say she fell asleep at 1 a.m. New Year's because she was tired, not that she collapsed because she was too drunk. I'll have to see some photos to be sure. Vagina = sober.


When not passing out, Britney has been pretty good about being slutty. She made out with Arizona Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart Friday night. Then, his mansion turned into a trailer.


More weird NFL-celebrity news: Jessica Simpson's dad worked out a deal with Dallas quarterback Tony Romo. In exchange for some Cowboys tickets, Joe Simpson let Tony namedrop Jessica Simpson as a love interest. At least he's not completely whoring her out, well, at least until her career is officially dead.

Meanwhile, Jessica and Nick Lachey have settled their finances. He gets the flat screens and she gets the DirecTV commercial DVDs.


Michael Jackson showed up for James Brown's funeral. He says James was his biggest inspiration. Musically. Not pedophilically.


"Smell my hand."


Paris Hilton's New Year's Resolution: go to a children's hospital everywhere she visits. Let's just hope Britney's vagina doesn't join her for the visits.

You can now wipe your ass with Paris Hilton and not worry about infection. Someone's eBaying toilet paper with her face on it.


"Now available in Tabasco ply, for that burning sensation you've come to expect from Paris Hilton!"


Kevin Federline is scheduled to be on tonight's WWE Raw. I called it. I'm betting he's in for a decent string of appearances to keep his cash flow in line with his declining lifestyle.


Lindsay Lohan got pissed and made a scene at Girls Gone Wild Sleaze Joe Francis for hitting on girls not named "Lohan" at some club in Miami. I just can't get over the fact that the guy behind Girls Gone Wild would be hitting on girls. I'm with Lo on this one.


Mike Tyson's mugshot photo from his DUI/Coke arrest isn't quite as glammed out as a Mel Gibson or Nicole Richie mug, but he made an effort. Here's a good Wikipedia entry on Tyson.


"I'm so blazed, I could impetuously eat like 10 Lennox Lewis children right now."


Disappointment alert: Mariah Carey is going to be in Playboy...fully clothed.


This'll make you feel better: Indiana Jones 4 will start shooting next year.


Some guy dropped $20 thousand at Jose Canseco's garage sale, and he says Jose hasn't given him the bedroom set yet. So the guy's suing. What's Jose think? "Hey, that guy got more than his money's worth in used needles."


McGwire before he realized Jose needed to do more than just bump arms to give him some steroids. Then, he was confused by the whole ass injection procedure for awhile.

Labels:

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Thursday, December 28, 2006

Scoop

Donald Trump continues to amuse over Rosie. She called him a pimp on her blog, and he responded. "Rosie got mentally beaten up by me, because she's a mental midget, a lowlife. I think she's got a death wish. It's too bad a degenerate is able to get away with things like that." Did he forget about her being fat? What's going on?


WorldofBritney.com is shutting down. From TMZ.com: "As Britney keeps losing her identity and credibility within fans and industry people, so is [World of Britney]," writes Ruben Garay. "I believe Britney is unfortunately done (for me at least). No matter what anyone thinks or how they may disagree, it's very hard to maintain the respect needed to keep things going." Ruben says it wasn't all the vagina's fault. There was Kevin Federline, too.


Clay Aiken is an ass. Some 15 year old kid won some competition where the prize is apparently singing before a Clay Aiken show. Then, Clay kicked him off the show for not singing a Christmas song, or for a fellatio refusal. I'm not sure.


The guy who arrested Mel Gibson is being investigated for leaking information to TMZ.com. Oh, how strong the long arm of Mel.


More boobie pictures of Ex Miss Nevada have been discovered online. They've been up since June 2004. The pictures. Not her boobies. Okay, maybe her boobies, too.


Paris Hilton is hosting some New Year's "Bash" in Australia. The venue: her uterus.


Luke Perry and Jason Priestley got a bite to eat in Beverly Hills together.


I can't do this scene any justice no matter how good the caption.


Ginger Spice ate ice while skating with Posh Spice in London. Scary Spice would've been there, but she freaks out every time she sees her reflection in the ice. Wow. Lame joke.

Labels:

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Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Scoop

The Enquirer says O.J. Simpson's addicted to painkillers. At least he's over that whole addiction to slaughtering people phase.


Jessica Simpson is in the midst of a meltdown so severe, Ashlee's been called in to cheer her up. In Touch says Jessica's depressed and even spent two days locked in her trailer on the set of "Blonde Ambition." They say her mess-up at the Kennedy Center Honors is responsible for her depression. I'm thinking she's a little sick of seeing her dumbass in all those DirecTV commercials.


Some think Paris Hilton is now calling Britney Spears "The Animal," to get back at Brit for ending their friendship. Or maybe she just thinks Britney has some kind of creature living in her crotch.


Nicole Richie's dad says maybe she's be better off in prison. Wouldn't they have to install mesh screening over the bars to keep her from escaping?


No one's really sure where Kevin Federline is living these days. He still has wheels, so at the very least he's still got his Suburban to crash in.


Tara Reid has been showing off her body at Caribbean beaches the last couple days. No areoli sightings just yet.


Keith Urban took a break from his rehab to spend time with his family. Sounds like another Kodak Christmas.


James Brown's corpse is barely cold, yet Spike Lee has announced a movie on him.


The Enquirer says the behind-the-scenes crew at Grey's Anatomy is jealous of the stars' exclusive gym on the set. Although, I don't think their jealousy stems from potential intimate steam room encounters between Isaiah Washington and T.R. Knight.


Courteney Cox got a speeding ticket. I guess it's better than having David Arquette leave her for Rosie's fat ass or something.


"Are you sure I need a ticket officer? I was in a Springsteen video..."

Labels:

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Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Scoop

James Brown died. He kicked ass in Rocky IV. Apollo died in Rocky IV.


Oprah and Stedman are now living together. No word on whether Gayle King will be forced out of the bed completely.


Rosie O'Donnell is blogging about Donald Trump. Here's a line for Trump to use: "I'm surprised they make a keyboard big enough to accommodate Rosie's fatass fingers."


"I could fit FIVE Melanias in Rosie's fat ass!"

Donald has come to the brilliant conclusion that maybe the Miss USA organization should do some checking into the contestants' backgrounds.


Miss Nevada wants a second chance, and has a valuable lesson for America's youth: "Please don't let your guard down when it comes to being photographed,"


Michael Jackson might have bought a house in Vegas, and is getting ready to be a Vegas act. I think it involves singing, but who knows?

Michael's suing his accountants.


Britney Spears may do a show-and-tell with Vanity Fair, except the pictures will be of her kid, not her vagina.

Britney has been enjoying candlelit dinners with music producer J.R. Rotem., who looks like he isn't quite the trash Federline is.


Diddy's clothing line features a "faux fur" jacket at Macy's. Unfortunately, the "faux" actually stands for "dog." The coats are made of raccoon dogs. That isn't a very "PETA friendly" alternative, if you didn't know.


Nicole Richie was caught eating human food.


Fred Durst was caught bragging about hanging out with Lindsay Lohan. No surprise here.


Arnold Schwarzenegger broke his leg while skiing.


Carson Daly says he doesn't have a rivalry with Ryan Seacrest. Can you have a rivalry with your exact duplicate?


Martha Stewart has "thousands of shoes."


Angelina Jolie continues to be better than you: she spent Christmas with refugee children in Costa Rica.

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Thursday, December 21, 2006

Scoop

Britney Spears has been named "Most Controversial Celebrity of the Year" by CNN's Showbiz Tonight. She won by a vagina hair, just edging out Mel Gibson.


Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell are feuding and Barbara Walters is stuck in the middle. Ha. Amazingly, Rosie is acting more adult about it than Trump. My favorite part: Donald saying "I'd like to take some money out of her fat ass pockets." Here's the full list.


Diddy's girl gave birth to twin girls Thursday. From TMZ.com: "The older twin is named D'Lila Star, for Porter's grandmother, and the younger is Jessie James, for Combs' grandmother."


Jessica Simpson's performance of 9 to 5 was so bad, even after a retake, that she's been completely cut out of the Kennedy Center Honors tribute to Dolly Parton.


Lohan's vagina almost flopped out in this picture.




Miss Nevada has lost her title because she acted like Miss USA.

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Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Scoop

In Touch Weekly says Britney Spears has been calling Kevin Federline and taunting him about her makeout sessions with J.R. Rotem and about how little money K-Fed has.

For Christmas, Paris Hilton gave Britney Spears a $500 purse to carry a dog in.

Britney Spears got a hand tattoo of a star or something white trash related.

Kevin Federline may have driven Five Star Vintage Clothing out of business as their spokesman. He doesn't work for them, anymore. We're not sure if anyone does.


"Yeah, we movin' some merch after this photo shoot today!"


Nicole Richie isn't hiding under a blanket, anymore. It smells like Lionel under there.


The Enquirer says J. Lo's family is telling her to stay away from Tom Cruise and his Scientology goons.


Cameras caught Pauly Shore checking out Nicolette Sheridan's ass, then spotting the cameras, then acting like he didn't notice either her ass or the cameras.


LOST's Evangeline Lilly's rented house in Hawaii burned down when she wasn't home. I bet Walt or Michael did it. Traitors.

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Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Scoop

Britney's going to burlesque clubs, by the way. Here's an incident from the weekend: Britney, while smoking, got on stage, "gyrated for the crowd," and showed off her bra. The club owner asked her to move out of the way. Then, she started drinking again.


Paris Hilton is taking acting lessons in preparation for her role in "The Hottie and the Nottie." Thank God.


Maybe it wasn't the drinking: To avoid photographers, Lohan was driving while ducking under the wheel or covering her face.


Miss USA didn't get demoted, but she did get sent to rehab.


Michael Jackson is in talks to sell The Neverland Ranch through the Bravo show "Million Dollar Listing: Hollywood." Michael used to have a much darker look about his skin.


Oprah's in talks to get Naomi Campbell on her show. Is she trying to get Gayle King killed? Maybe Stedman?


Larry King won't have a replacement when he retires. I guess the name "Larry King Live" might get a little creepy when Larry's not on the show, or perhaps, dies.


The story about one of the supporting actors from Prison Break getting in a car accident that killed a 17-year-old passenger has been a little bit neglected. Blood alcohol tests are still pending. How is that possible? I'm assuming he refused a breathalyser. But still? How long does that take?


Lara Flynn Boyle got married. Then, she got broken in two during consummation.


Speaking of frightening mental images, Kim Cattrall says there will be a Sex and the City movie.


I find this shocking: NCIS was the number one show on TV last week.

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Monday, December 18, 2006

Scoop

Sad: Joe Barbera of Hanna-Barbera died at 95. They had tons of badass cartoons: Flintstones, Jetsons, Yogi, Scooby, Don Knotts, The Harlem Globetrotters, Sonny and Cher...


Britney got booed off the jumbotron at the Laker game Sunday, and then left at halftime. Here's a flattering shot someone got of the jumbotron:


"This shot misses my vagina completely! Quick, mister! Lift and spread!"

Britney showed up to her mom's birthday in this outfit:



"What? My cooter's covered."


The tabloids continue to think Britney's makeout dude, J.R. Rotem, is trying to milk his publicity. Because, surely some professional music producer would never get into decent clubs or partake in drugs or alcohol on his own accord.


Paris Hilton has a male masseuse who comes to her house. Hopefully she pays enough for him to afford a female delouser to go to his house.


Esquire quotes Katie Couric: "You guys even take a shot at me. You have something about how since I've become an anchor, you don't know me anymore. You don't know me anymore? Bite me." Then she smiled, and said, "help me come up with a cool closing line for the news. Something along the lines of 'smile your troubles away...'"


Japan canceled a Christmas appearance by Michael Jackson over outrage at his $3,300 price tag for individual photographs and meetings with fans. No performance. But if you happen to meet certain unspecified criteria, you just might get quite the individual performance later on. For free.


Mel Gibson's a sloppy eater.



"Is that the blood of a Jew on your shirt, Mel?


Photographers thought they had a symbolic gesture when they rescued a Paris Hilton poster from Paris Hilton's trash bags. I guess they didn't catch the irony. And how dangerous is rummaging through trash associated with Paris Hilton? You could probably get diseased off just a whiff of it.


After turning it down three times, Joey Fatone says he wants to be on Dancing with the Stars. If John O'Hurley can wrestle Family Feud away from Richard Karn after "Dancing," surely Fatone could land "Blind Cash Cab," after some exposure.


Omarosa says Miss California will take over for Miss USA, who's so much a drugaholic that she's been photographed with Axl Rose, who I've finally given up on completely.


Tori Spelling is still pregnant, but she's pretending to be a mom by pushing her pug around in a carriage. Seems stable enough.

"I can get used to this much quicker than the whole breastfeeding thing, Miss Mimi La Rue. I'm still sore."


Clay Aiken can sing through vertigo, and you probably can't. Loser.

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Sunday, December 17, 2006

Scoop

At last check, Lindsay Lohan still goes out every night but isn't drinking.


Britney Spears had a tough time getting her car to follow her commands the other night.

While showing off her vagina, Britney-style, porn star Mary Carey says Britney stole an act she's been doing for four years.

Britney's little makeout session with producer J.R. Rotem looks more and more like a one-time thing. Lucky guy.

Justin Timberlake has no comment on Britney.


Stavros Niarchos wants to introduce Paris Hilton to his parents. But first, he wants her to stop acting like Paris Hilton all the time.


Anna Nicole Smith is back in the United States. All it took was a meeting about her dead husband's money.


Miss USA may be losing her title for behaving like Lindsay Lohan. And she even ragged on Lohan-types when she was pitching for the title.


O.J.'s publisher has been fired. At least she wasn't murdered.


Vanessa Minnillo bought a whole bunch of baby stuff. Could she have made a baby with Nick Lachey?


Beyonce's dad hates Jennifer Hudson of Dreamgirls.


ABC already canceled "Show me the money," the creepy trivia show hosted by a dancing William Shatner and hot chicks.

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Thursday, December 14, 2006

Scoop

Nicole Richie is still wearing a blanket around to make it harder to take her picture. It's all good until every bone in her body collapses under the pressure.

Doctors are weighing in on why Nicole might have taken Vicodin the night of her arrest. They say it could've been prescribed for her period. I could imagine losing 50 percent of your body weight during your period might be reason for pain.


Paris Hilton has been using her MySpace page to defend Britney Spears honor. But here's the thing: Paris doesn't have a MySpace page.


It looks like things between Britney and Paris may already be over, anyway. Her people told her hanging out with Paris wouldn't be good for her career.

Some crazy fan got Britney Spears car door open, and then did an interpretive dance before photographers rescued Britney.


Angelina Jolie is not pregnant. In fact, she's on the pill


Courteney Cox has a pretty intense professional feud with Brad Pitt. She wants her production company to beat his out for projects, and still holds bitter feelings about his breakup with Jennifer.


Pam Anderson says Kid Rock is a liar. He had said she was out partying every night and was just an all-around terrible guy.


Kato Kaelin on O.J. Simpson's pulled book, "If I Did It": "What do you mean, "if?"


Martha Stewart is spending the holidays alone.

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Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Scoop

Nicole Richie could have to spend five days in jail for her DUI. This is her second offense. During her 2002 arrest, she told cops she had only eaten French Fries, took a shot of vodka, and poof! She blew a .13.


Cameras caught Paris Hilton's with a powdery substance in her nose.


"Would you rather see a boog hanging?

Kevin Federline is writing a book that says Britney drank while pregnant, has done drugs and even had a little lesbian side action.

Federline also ended his MySpace friendship with J.R. Rotem, the guy who placed his tongue in Britney's mouth. Meanwhile, J.R.'s trying to milk a little Federline perk action out of his makeout session. He tried to use his new fame to get into Hyde, a popular nightclub for celebrities. Denied. He's keeping his hopes alive by "not denying" he's Britney's boyfriend.



Tom Cruise may be trying to trick J. Lo and Jim Carey into Scientology.


Tara Reid fell down outside a club in London. I hope she didn't scrape off her renovated areoli.


"Okay. Right foot. Left foot. Right foot. Ahh, crap! I forgot what was next."

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Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Scoop

Nicole Richie has been spotted for the first time after her DUI arrest. She was leaving her boyfriend's house. I think the paparazzi stood a little further back when she took off in her car this time.

Don't worry, Nicole Richie won't let the arrest hurt her career. At this point, her career could only get worsened by a necrophiliac.


Lindsay Lohan has been sober for a week. Maybe Nicole Richie raided her stash.


Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes dropped more than $300 on a tricycle for Suri. Are they expecting Scientology to age the baby several years to trike-riding level?


J.R. Rotem, the record producer Britney was slobbering on the other night, worked on Kevin Federline's CD. Maybe it was a sympathy makeout. Meanwhile, he didn't even tell his own dad that he made out with Britney Spears.


Kevin Federline's friend on K-Fed's new look: "He's switched his look to 'GQ.' It's just a new phase in his life. He really is just trying to walk a straight line. He's doing the 'GQ' thing now everyday. It's a great, great look for him. It's not just something you're going to see today and tomorrow — it's going to be there for awhile."


Angelina Jolie says she'd be willing to sit down and talk to Jennifer Aniston...probably to bitch about the predictability of the series finale of Friends.

Star Magazine is trying to find a new man for Jennifer. It's about time someone did.


Danny DeVito says his drunkenness on The View was just an act. He says he was legitimately hungover, just not drunk.

Here's a flashback to the show, where he talks about nailing his unattractive wife all over the Lincoln Bedroom at the White House.


Rosie O'Donnell is frightening for many reasons in this photo:


"Yup. One-inch Larry was the reason I switched teams for good."


Unfortunately, Pauley Shore getting the ass beat off him on stage by a cop was just part of his act.


Just by walking in front of some cameras, Lara Flynn Boyle reminds Nicole Richie fans: I'm still frightening, too!

"Did somebody ask for a lock pick?"

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Monday, December 11, 2006

Scoop

Nicole Richie's been arrested for DUI. She passed a breathalyser, but told police that she smoked pot and took Vicodin. I don't know if I'd volunteer that information. She didn't pull a Mel and go all Hitler on the police either. She was actually quite kind.

Here's one of the 911 phone calls that led to her arrest. Tip: driving down the wrong side of the highway and then parking in the carpool lane will usually get you busted.

She nailed the mugshot, by the way:




The arrest sheet listed her weight as 85 pounds. Yeah, right! Maybe on a planet that has a stronger gravitational pull than ours. I know. That was lame.


Nicole's DUI mentor, Paris Hilton, is not lesbians with Britney Spears. They just like dropping their panties in each other's company.


Not only is Britney still straight, the Enquirer says she was at a club in L.A., making out with the guy who produced Rhianna's song, "S.O.S." His name is J.R. Already bad news.


"Come on...do you really need a photo to know I'm a douche?"


George Clooney says he's too old to get any woman he want. But a decrease in lesbians switching teams to have sex with him isn't that big a drop off.


Busted! Keith Urban picked up Nicole Kidman from some type of support meeting. Maybe it was a MHAACSAMEITKHA meeting, also known as "My Husband's An Alcoholic Country Singer, And My Ex Is Tapping Katie Holmes Anonymous" Meeting.


Kirstie Alley's getting large again.


"At least I have Han frozen in carbonite for good keeping."


Courtney Love completed her probation. Her judge says he followed her progress in the media. Is that how they're handling criminal prosecution now?


Kate Moss was photographed topless in Jamaica. You can follow the link to see her topless with a couple stars over key areas. I would just put the picture here, but I don't have a thing for women with the body of a Michael Jackson molestation victim.


Leonardo DiCaprio traded in his Brazilian model girlfriend for an Israeli model. I'm guessing they have different "hairstyles," if you catch my drift.


Porn Superstar Jenna Jameson is getting a divorce from Justin Sterling, her porn star husband. Wow, first Brad and Jennifer, now this.

Labels:

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Sunday, December 10, 2006

Scoop

Mel Gibson's Apocalypto was number one at the box office this weekend, with $14 million. Way to make a Jew-hater richer, everybody.


What has Britney started? Mischa Barton has joined Crotchfest 2006, sporting an open fly.


"No, it can't belch the alphabet like Britney's."


If there's free booze, you'll probably find Kevin Federline.


Paris Hilton spent the weekend with Stavros Niarchos.

Other random Paris news: she's hanging out with her friends' grandmas, now. Just pray grandma's wearing underwear.


"Gross, look at that vagina! Oh, that's her face."


Lohan went out every night last week, but she's still becoming slightly less alcoholic. She only had water to drink.


Wesley Snipes turned himself into federal authorities for tax fraud. He says he's a scapegoat. For who?


Asian-Americans don't get Rosie O'Donnell's humor. She's in trouble for saying Danny DeVito's drunk ass made headlines in China that read "Ching chong, ching ching chong, Danny DeVito!"


Jessica Simpson's mom chewed her out for sucking hard at the Kennedy Center Honors, for forgetting the lyrics to "9 to 5," in a tribute to Dolly Parton.


Tori Spelling yard sale!


Nicholas Cage is cutting back on acting. I thought he did that already. It was called "Con Air."


Settle down, Beyonce isn't 32. She's still 25. I'm taking it as a hoax brought to us by the creators of "Tom Hanks fell off a cliff" and "Adam Sandler OD'd." She didn't marry Jay-Z this weekend, either.


Mariah Carey is trying to stop pornstar Mary Carey from trademarking the name "Mary Carey." I'm confused, too.

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Thursday, December 07, 2006

Scoop

Britney Spears acknowledges that everyone saw her vagina. "I probably did take my new found freedom too far...Every move I make at this point has been magnified more than I expected...Thank God for Victoria's Secrets' new underwear line!" No mention of thanking God for her less-than-inviting cooter.


Lindsay Lohan is insane. From an email she sent to her friends: "Al Gore will help me. He came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me." She also mentioned getting help from the Clintons. Here's more: "I have such an impact on our younger generations, as well as generations older than me. Which we all know and can obviously see." Al Gore's reps make it look like he won't be helping her, by the way.


It looks like Oprah got a nonvitation to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes post-wedding celebration this Saturday.


Kevin Federline went to the launch party for "The Concise Guide to Sounding Smart at Parties," and was even seen hitting up the authors for additional tips. I'm hoping the "concise" guide has some kind of pictorial aid for K-Fed.


Scary Spice says Eddie Murphy is indeed the baby daddy.


Want to be like Madonna, but don't have the time or money to steal a child from Malawi? Don't worry, she's got a new clothing line coming out in March.


For a $10 thousand check made out to Jessica Simpson's dad, you can get Jessica to read silently from your magazine in the movie Blonde Ambition.


God dammit: "Lost" is moving an hour later when it comes back, to avoid going head-to-head American Idol.


Sylvester Stallone wants to do a movie about Edgar Allen Poe someday.

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Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Scoop






Andy Dick and Damon Wayans have said the "n" word.


Lance Bass has not broken up with his boyfriend. And they don't have an "open relationship." From Lance's MySpace: "What the hell does that mean anyway? I mean I think I know what that means...and if it is...then the answer is def NO!"


Betty White still signs autographs.

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Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Scoop

UPDATE: Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn are breaking up.


Britney Spears may have backed out of the Billboard Music Awards after learning about a K-Fed skit.

A successful New York plastic surgeon is offering a free tummy tuck and cosmetic surgery to Britney Spears. Seems he was disappointed by the photos, too.

Britney was the number one search term on Yahoo! this year, even before her crotch spread all over the Internet.


Paris Hilton got locked out of her own house when her security system wouldn't unlock. She got in her car and put on makeup until someone opened the gate.


The other day, Gayle King said some of her friends used the "n" word. Now, she's clarifying that neither Oprah, Stedman or Maya Angelou use the word.


Justin Timberlake dancing around hot models at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show may have made Cameron Diaz jealous.


Madonna's husband doesn't seem to like the idea of adopting another kid just yet. After telling Madonna this, she replied, "what's your name again?"


Beyonce and Jay-Z might get married this weekend. He might retire if he thinks about it while he's up and around.


Jackie Chan hurt his chest on the set of Rush Hour 3. He aggravated a previous injury after he got hit with a steal-reinforced wooden table. He's 52. He says he'll be okay.

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Monday, December 04, 2006

Scoop

Britney Spears is wearing panties.


"My ass likes country music."

Kevin Federline dropped by Britney's Sunday morning, presumably visiting his children. And looking under the couch for a roach.

Paris Hilton is teaching Britney Spears how to work a stripper pole. They're practicing on the pole at Paris' house. And the maid just bought another drum of disinfectant.

Paris has been spotted with her ex, Stavros Niarchos. She's even wearing a locket that has pictures of the two of them together.


Some body part of Jessica Simpson's popped out at the recording of the Kennedy Center Honors. She ran, crying offstage. Only audience members got to see the boob, as the show is pre-taped and edited for broadcast the day after Christmas.


George Clooney's 300-pound pet pig, Max, is dead. His bulldog died earlier this year. Are humans next to fall at the hands of Clooney?


Eddie Murphy wanders if he is the real baby daddy of Scary Spice's coming child.


Larry King, upset the Santa was on a lunch break when he brought his kid:


"Ester-C, God Dammit!"


Tori Spelling is writing a book. Topics include her past relationships, her father's will and plastic surgery. And how she needs it?

Labels:

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Sunday, December 03, 2006

Scoop

Britney Spears turned 25 Saturday. During the day, she went to the zoo with Sean Preston. She went to dinner with some friends, one of whom gave her panties as a gift. Then, she met up with Paris Hilton at Hyde, a club so exclusive that even Jodie "Stephanie from Full House" Sweetin gets denied at the door.

Britney's first ex, Jason Alexander, and K-Fed's ex, Shar Jackson have taped Monday's episode of The Dr. Ablow Show. He says Britney threatened him after their split: "Don't say anything you'd regret." So, he waited a couple years and "oh snap"-ed her on The Dr. Ablow Show in from of a worldwide audience of ten people! A-hole.

Justin Timberlake and Britney were at the same club the other night. Both had their panties on.

George Clooney partying with Britney? George says "no." Probably because she doesn't look as good as Danny DeVito below the waist.

Kevin Federline is pitching a reality show to the producers of E's "House of Carters." That seems about right.


Paris Hilton canceled her appearance at the Billboard Awards Monday night because of her joke material. She thought some of the jokes would be hurtful to her friends. What could the writers possibly have had prepared on Britney, Lohan or Nicole? It's not like Britney's vagina has been flopping out, Lindsay Lohan's going to AA and Nicole Richie is walking death, or anything.

By the way, Lohan's mom outed Lindsay's AA experience to Ryan Seacrest. Don't worry about a boozeless Lohan, though. Her publicist says "And, by the way, she's not saying...she'll stop drinking tomorrow. I'm confused.

The Enquirer says Nicole Richie got a boob job. I'm guessing Santa wishes she had ass implants too, as she sat on his lap for a photo, possibly coming close to severing St. Nick's leg at the thigh.


Michael Richards agreed to apologize in person to the black guys he went crazy on. They have a celebrity lawyer, so Ben Franklin may be doing the majority of the apologizing.


Is Oprah trying to screw subscribers to "O?" That's what one subscriber thinks, as she sued the magazine for double-billing her subscription, and threatening her with a bad credit rating if she didn't pay up. At least they didn't unleash Steadman on her.

Oprah's new gardening expert was unveiled last week, but she neglected to mention his past as a male stripper at the Australian equivalent of Chippendales.

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Thursday, November 30, 2006

Scoop

Britney's pantie-less tirade has scared anyone decent from hanging out with her. In fact, she's resorted to dating Brandon Davis, the guy only famous for calling Lohan a firecrotch.

Suspicious: Britney Spears went to the pharmacy twice Wednesday morning. Pregnancy test? Other health problems? Rotten vagina?

Some respectable news sources are asking psychologists to weigh in on Britney's pantie problem. "When you're in a marriage and you're controlled by a lot of people, you repress your personality. When all of that breaks loose, it's like the hinges come off the door."


50 Cent says Oprah "started out with black women's views but has been catering to middle-aged white American women for so long that she's become one herself."

50 might want to think the same thing about Tony Danza. Danza's returning to Broadway to star in The Producers.


Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are engaged.


Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards' divorce is finally official. That'll free up more time for Denise to throw laptops at old women in wheelchairs.


The Enquirer says Nicole Kidman has put Keith Urban on a "short leash." "Nicole is standing by Keith, but with one big proviso — he has to dump his drinking and drugging buddies."

Labels:

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Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Scoop

Britney Spears has shown off her vagina three nights in the past week. She hasn't been wearing panties:


"Whats that flapping sound? Whoops, caught some wind, there."

But, Britney's days of being pantie-free look numbered. She just dropped $3 thousand at the place Katie Holmes got her wedding underwear at.

As I think about this odd Britney pantie shortage, I just can't help but picture K-Fed, high off his ass, sniffing pantie after pantie. Gotta love the pre-divorce pantie raid.

Kevin may have been cheating on Britney with a porn star. From a source "they're just friends who like to have sex." Nice friend.


Mel Gibson on Michael Richards: "They'll probably torture him for a while and then let him go. I like him." You would like Michael Richards, too, if he just out-racist you.

Jesse Jackson's boycott isn't working. Seinfeld season seven DVD is outselling season six by 75 percent, and outselling season five by 90. I think the KKK will be disappointed when they realize Kramer, the character, isn't really racist.


Latest reason Pamela and Kid Rock divorced: Pam parties too much. And he would always end up back at home, watching her kids. That's the price of having sex at Pamela Anderson, Kid.


Danny DeVito was likely drunk on Wednesday's The View.

First, we find out he's been drinking all night with George Clooney, and hasn't been to sleep.

Then, he talks about having sex with his wife, Rhea Perlman, in the Lincoln Bedroom at the White House. Yes, THAT Rhea Perlman. There's just something off-putting about Danny DeVito talking to Rosie O'Donnell about having sex with his wife in the White House


"Now imagine us with George Wendt mixed in."

Finally, Rosie has him try to read off some cue cards.


A judge has thrown Anna Nicole Smith out of her house in the Bahamas. She didn't even show up to court to make a defense for the house. I wonder which rich guy will get it sat-on next.


Lindsay Lohan is carrying around the 12 steps. Think AA. But not because she's an alcoholic. I'm still not sure why.

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Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Scoop

So, what was the tipping point in Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock's relationship?

Could've been Borat. Pam's in Borat, playing herself. I don't remember her doing anything too filthy, but Kid Rock wasn't happy after seeing it. "You're nothing but a whore! You're a slut! How could you do that movie?" Are they sure he's talking about the Borat movie, and not some other piece of Pam's cinematic career?

Or Maybe PETA broke them up. Pamela's big into PETA. Kid Rock is big into hunting. She must've figured out what "hunting" means.

Here's what being married to Kid Rock turns you into.


"I didn't know Elizabeth Taylor had work done again."


Speaking of PETA, they've named Nicole Richie "Worst Dressed Celebrity." An impressive feat, considering her shortage of surface area for fur.

Here's what they said about her: "This pelt-wearing party girl is all animal skin and bones. She's an incredible shrinking woman with the heart to match."

Here's what they said about runner-up Ashley Olson: "Wearing fur does add 20 pounds, but if Ashley wants to fill out her frame, we suggest using a fork instead."

Eva Longoria also made the list: "You’d think she’d be more sympathetic to the plight of rabbits considering the way she screws around like one on Wisteria Lane."


Meanwhile, Nicole Richie posted this on her MySpace about her former stylist:

"BLIND ITEM:
What 35 year old raisin face whispers her order of 3 peices of asparagus for dinner at Chateau everynight, and hides her deathly disorder by pointing the finger at me, and used her last paycheck I wrote her to pay for a publisist instead of a nutritionist?
HINT: Her nickname is lettucecup..."

I think I may have solved the "why in the hell are Britney and Paris hanging out at Britney's house for when they could be whoring it up on the town?" mystery. Britney, remembering she's a mom, found out her kid had an ear infection. Paris, liking the idea of playing with Britney's children as if they were Cabbage Patch Kids, decided to help.


Michael Jackson's nanny says she'll be traveling with Michael and Bill Clinton to Rwanda to raise money. Pause for a mental picture. Gross.


Tracy Morgan's been arrested for drunk driving. He could've even avoided jail time, but he turned down a plea offer. Not sure why he turned it down, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with Colin Quinn being the worst Saturday Night Live cast member of all time.


Lindsay Lohan bought an $800 pair of diamond encrusted handcuffs. For trampsing purposes.


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Monday, November 27, 2006

Scoop

Hold me...Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock are divorcing. He's seeking custody of her breasts.


Jesse Jackson has called for a boycott of the latest Seinfeld box set because of Kramer's racism. Can you guess what Kramer said in response?


Michael Jackson's pulling an Angelina, and lending his support to Africa, specifically, Rwanda. Can you legally molest children there or something?


Kevin Federline is on NBC's trivia game show 1 vs 100 this Friday. Hopefully they let him look good with a question about Mountain Dew or Ice Cube.


Britney Spears and Paris Hilton are chilling at Brit's house as we speak. But doesn't Paris' vagina turn into a pumpkin at midnight if she doesn't get some?


After six years, Richard Simmons is returning to Letterman. Dave must've apologized or worn a rainbow tank top to secure the reunion.


Nicole Kidman continues to look pregnant. She won't talk about the rumors, but her hotel will. They say her workout routine sure resembles a lazy pregnant woman's.


Lance Bass hired a herd of 14 goats to graze on his land for Thanksgiving. You should check out the sweet health plan they got.

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Sunday, November 26, 2006

Scoop

Britney and Paris look like BFF. They partied at Paris' place after the American Music Awards. Neighbors called the police because their music was so loud.

Then, they had a run-in with Lindsay Lohan this weekend. This is almost as good as the Paris-Lohan danceoff story.

The paparazzi were all focused on Lohan until Paris and Britney pulled up. Lohan gets pissed they stole her attention, gets into her car and chases Paris and Britney while pumping Kevin Federline's CD as loud as she can. Then, Lohan has the gal to think she can hang out with them at the club. Paris and Britney ignore her. Lohan walks away, later saying how talented and attractive she thinks Kevin Federline is. She "wouldn't mind hooking up" with him sometime.

***Collective Sigh/Change in Bloodflow Alert*** Britney Spears and Kevin Federline say "there is no sex tape."

From The Enquirer: Kevin Federline is begging Britney to take him back. He's finally realized he is a failure and can't maintain his lifestyle on his own. And she's hot again.


Michael Richards went on Jesse Jackson's radio show, saying he never used racist words before he got busted for using them. But if he did, here's how it would have happened...


Michael Jackson's been living at "Lord of the Dance," Michael Flatley's house in Ireland since June. Creepy.


John Travolta may have boycotted the TomKat wedding because of the nonvite to Oprah. Oprah has called John her "soulmate" before. I smell an angry Steadman.


"Don't let my mustache fool you, I'm furious."


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Monday, November 20, 2006

Scoop

Fox has canceled its special on O.J. Newscorp is also O.J.'s publisher, so they canceled the book, too. "This was an ill-considered project. We are sorry for any pain this has caused the families of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown-Simpson," said Rupert Murdoch of Fox. So, I guess we might never know how O.J. would have killed Nicole and Ron, if he did, that is.


"And this is how her face would've looked as I was knifing her."


Michael Richard's, usually known only as "Kramer from Seindfeld," went on a racist tirade the other night at a comedy club. A black guy had heckled him, so Kramer thought a dozen or so n-words would make up for it. You can see the video at the above link. It's highly offensive, so keep that in mind.

Michael's not talking about it too much, but for some reason Jerry Seinfeld has released a statement: "I am sick over this. I'm sure Michael is also sick over this horrible, horrible mistake. It is so extremely offensive. I feel terrible for all the people who have been hurt."


Britney Spears had quite the weekend in Vegas. She won $10 thousand playing Black Jack. She hit the recording studio. She even got to party with Mario Lopez! Her big mistake: hanging out with Paris Hilton. She was chain smoking all night, and was seen dancing around in just her fishnet stockings. Worst of all, she was dancing to Paris Hilton songs. Noooooooooooo!

Don't worry about K-Fed, he was partying it up this weekend, too. In Miami. His DJ friend put on one of his crappy songs at the club. Then, everyone started booing and cursing "F*** K-Fed." The DJ pleaded with the crowd, "Come on people, f*** the status quo, show this guy some love!" Meanwhile, K-Fed's sipping on champagne and proclaiming "I'm here to stay."


"Y'all'll remember my name when you where your hat like this."


Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were walking around without there bodyguards in India! It's probably because they're all in prison.


Kelly Ripa is feuding with Clay Aiken. Clay filled in for Regis Friday. Ripa says Clay crossed the line when he covered her mouth with her hand while she was talking. I wouldn't want to taste those fingers, either.

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Sunday, November 19, 2006

Scoop

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were officially married before they ever arrived in Rome! They had to do it that way, seeing how Italy doesn't recognize Scientology weddings. So the wedding was just for show! You do not waste Brooke Shield's valuable time!


"We are now one in the eyes of Voltron."


In the new issue of Oprah's magazine: what to do if someone hears you didn't give them an invite. The correct response: "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I invited a different group of friends." Then, go on to explain exactly what the lucky group of friends believes in, and they'll know their better off.


Past the point of no return: Britney has dropped K-Fed from her MySpace.


Angelina Jolie's bodyguards ended up in prison for their little scuffle during a shoot at a school in India. They're out on bail, but they have to stay in the country for a least a week and could end up spending three years in jail. Or they can opt for the alternate punishment of watching Angelina make out with her brother.


For the second time, the power company turned off service at Anna Nicole Smith's alleged house in the Bahamas. She's also been served with a second eviction notice.


Nicole Richie is wearing some kind of healing, hippie-bracelets to help her aura. Actually, I think those are her dad's rings around her wrists:

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Thursday, November 16, 2006

Scoop

Justin Timberlake may have slammed Janet Jackson in song. He and Nelly Furtado are on one of the songs from Timbaland's CD, which comes out in march. He may be referring to an appearance on Oprah, where Janet didn't talk very nice about Justin.

Take a listen to the 20-second clip, I've even provided the lyrics.

I saw you tryin' to act cute on TV, Just let me clear the air/ We missed you on the charts last week/ Damn, that's right, you wasn't there.


The mayor of Rome had dinner with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Wednesday. He avoided abduction.


Jim Carey, Brooke Shields, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are among the celebrities arriving in Rome for the wedding. Still no Oprah. They better not plan an "Oh! Swerve!" and have Oprah show up as the maid of honor.


Michael Jackson's World Music Awards appearance didn't go as planned. He was supposed to sing "Thriller" with Chris Brown. Chris ended up doing it by himself. Michael ended up singing just a couple of lines from "We are the World." There are even rumors that Beyonce had to convince him to come out from backstage, and that he had a minivan drive him from his dressing room to the staging area, which was only 20 feet away. He also had some weird demands, like a temporary 18-foot wall around his hotel.


"Icky! These are old ones!"


Angelina Jolie's security guards are beating people up again. She was filming at a school in India, when the school opened its gates for parents to pick up students. Then, all the paparazzi rushed the school. Angie's security guards freaked and got tangled up with some of the students and parents, as well. One of the guards called a parent "You bloody Indian." Do Indian's understand British profanity?


Someone keyed Nicole Richie's Mercedes. It was probably Colonel Sanders, all pissed at anorexia, and pimped in his new threads.

"But that Paris girl? She's both finger-and-goatee-licking good."


The House of Blues in Anaheim canceled Kevin Federline's November 20 show. Luckily there's a kickass thrift store just around the corner.


Tom Hanks isn't dead. There was an Internet rumor saying he died after falling off a cliff in New Zealand during a movie shoot. Maybe they were just being metaphoric about Tom's career chances after "The Terminal."


Memphis Grizzlies fan Bill Geeslin says Kobe Bryant elbowed him on purpose, causing him "injuries and damages" worth $75 thousand. His swollen vagina claim has me skeptical, though.

Dancing with the Stars is probably coming back in March because of its continued success.
I blame Springer for this.


Bergeron's "Stroke Face."


Larry King has never used the Internet. Being alive when Jesus was born makes it all worth while.


Nicke Nolte and Will Farrell had dinner Wednesday. Guess which one stayed sober. One hint: Not Nolte.

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Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Scoop

Emmitt upset Mario Lopez, and won Dancing with the Stars. You could see Mario Lopez' ego completely collapse through his forced smile.


At 45 years old, George Clooney is People's Sexiest Man Alive for the second time, tying Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt is still winning in the "owning more of other people's kids" race, still.


The "Oprah didn't get an invite? Don't go there girl!" story is unfolding a bit more. Some think Oprah's comments to Good Morning America after the couch-jumping fiasco cost her the invite. She thought Tom was faking it. She always catches Gayle at that, too.

Here's some fun Scientology wedding vows info: The groom is reminded that he needs to provide his wife with "clothes and food and tender happiness and frills, a pan, a comb, perhaps a cat." That cat clause might be what's costing Scientology more male members.


Britney Spears' people are talking to Realtors about selling her and K-Fed's mansion for$13.5 million. She'll even throw in a leather couch, complete with Federline sweat-stain outline.

More news is still coming in about the night their divorce became public. The restaurant Kevin was eating at comped his $1200 tab. Knowing it would be his last warm meal, Kevin had them wrap up the leftovers. One person said they saw Kevin "putting napkins in the tops of the tequila and vodka bottles" and trying to hide them in his coat for later. No word on if he succeeded. But knowing the dedicated alcoholic he is, I'm sure he did.


O.J.'s publisher considers the "If I murdered them" book O.J.'s confession. No kidding.


"Mmmmmm. Murderific."




"Aw man, Fivel's looking sad. Put him in the cardboard box and blow smoke in there again."

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Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Scoop

Katie Holmes bought $3 thousand in lingerie for her wedding this weekend. Maybe they had to pay extra to have anti-Zordon shields sewn in to protect Katie's areoli from the Scientology goons.

Don't go there, girl! Oprah didn't get an invite to the wedding. Oprah says she doesn't feel dissed, and she even plans on buying them a present: a "remove shoes before jumping on couch" sign.


Freakshow Michael Jackson has a ridiculous amount of press following him around London. Once again, I guess I just don't get British humor.


Coming soon: Where's Jacko! Follow the umbrellas, wigs, bleaching cream and noses to find Jacko!


Not until we adopt five more kids: Brad Pitt's rep put a stop to a mock wedding of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's wax sculptures at Madame Tussauds.


A whole bunch of the suckers in "Borat" are pissed that everyone knows what a bunch of morons they are. Unfortunately, the fools signed away all rights of their image for the movie.

Sacha Baron Cohen, the guy who plays Borat, has signed on to be in Tim Burton's "Sweeney Todd." Johnny Depp is in it, of course. Oh yeah, and it's a musical. Should be pretty odd.

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Monday, November 13, 2006

Scoop

Astrologers warn: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes wedding this Saturday will be a shame. Their signs simply don't make for a good wedding that day. It's too late! They've arrived in Rome Monday! I don't think they're worried. Tom wouldn't believe in something as silly as astrology.


The guy who owns Anna Nicole's house in the Bahamas turned off the power Friday. He says she hasn't paid him, she says it was a gift. Larry Birkhead says he is the only reason Anna Nicole fled to the Bahamas anyway, so he must own the house. Anna Nicole is house hunting, if that helps your twisted mind process this story.


Kevin Federline found the time to sign some autographs when he was shopping at Walmart the other day. Then, he played with the blood pressure machine for a couple hours, freaking out at the test results at one point.


People are already wondering if there's any chance Britney will get back with Justin Timberlake. Well, she did manage to age herself past Cameron Diaz...


Nicole Richie and a random friend ordered McDonald's drive-thru! "The girls ordered two Big Macs, large fries, an order of Chicken McNuggets and a vanilla shake," a source tells Star. I don't think anyone's ever question Nicole's ability to eat. It's more the ability to digest that has us concerned.


"I just had a sugar cube! I'm wasted!"


The mother of the latest kid to say Michael played with him has pleaded "no contest" to welfare fraud. She has to pay almost $9 thousand in restitution, complete 150 hours of community service, and have to do a "Jesus Juice" headstand for 30 seconds (think keg stand on a box of wine).


Michael Jackson has arrived in London for his Wednesday performance at the World Music Awards.


Don't adjust your monitor.


Nick Lachey wasn't showing his happy face at a birthday party for his girlfriend, Vanessa Minillo. He probably just saw one of those crappy new Direct TV commercials with Jessica Simpson.




Ellen Pompeo from Grey's Anatomy is engaged. One hint: it's not to the guy who plays George.

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Posted by Matt Stooks at 6:23 PM | | Comments | links to this post  

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Scoop

K-Fed has a Britney sex tape that he's holding ransom. He's already been offered $50 million for it, but he's willing to be a good guy and let it go for a little less for Britney.

Britney Spears wants to give away pictures of her second son instead of selling them. She wants to make sure Kevin gets as little money from her as possible, and seeing how he was seen buying undies in Walmart, I'd say she's doing a good job.. She wanted to do a shoot with the baby in Vogue, but they turned her down. Ouch. Meanwhile, Britney's first ex, Jason Alexander, says he still loves her.

Here's an interesting stat: before her marriage to Kevin, Britney was worth $100 million. Now it's closer to $50 million. Who would've thought being married to a pothead could use up your cash so quickly.


Did Lindsay Lohan call Paris Hilton a naughty four-letter word the other day?






Must be nice: Anna Nicole Smith is one of the hottest election year issues in the Bahamas.


That "Denise Richards Throws Laptops from Balcony" story just got a little less cool. Turns out, a laptop didn't hit the 80-year-old woman in a wheelchair, it just landed dangerously close. And she only threw one laptop, not two.


Jack Palance died Friday. I enjoyed him.





"Hand me your keys...I'm Dennis Rodman" - Dennis Rodman, preventing some guy from drinking and driving. How messed up do you have to be to have Dennis Rodman stop you from driving?


From TMZ.com: Jennifer Aniston's house is being fumigated. She wouldn't mind the fleas and lice too much, if they didn't remind her so much of Brad.


"You should see my kickass ball pit."


American Idol's biggest moron, Kellie Pickler, is getting her own show on Fox about "a naïve small-town Southern girl" who discovers that her biological father is the state's governor. Fox just always seems to manage to come up with the worst sitcom ideas.

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Thursday, November 09, 2006

Show notebook

Ed Bradley from 60 Minutes died of leukemia today. Not even Mike Wallace knew anything about Ed's leukemia.

I really liked Ed Bradley, so I feel bad making a joke already.

But you have to listen to Mike Wallace talk about Ed's mom to CNN.

Very odd


"What did Wallace say about my mom?"


Maybe you shouldn't feel bad about K-Fed getting divorced through text message. Turns out, he's been talking divorce with his own lawyer for the last month. There are even rumors he'll exploit his children to get more cash out of Britney. A "give me some more money, and I won't fight you for the kids" type of thing. If only she could hold his bong hostage in some similar fashion.


K-Fed's first baby mama is finally commenting on his current divorce. She says Kevin is "such a nice guy." Her facial expression says otherwise.




At his crappy House of Blues performance in Chicago, Kevin was making sure everyone in the audience knew he was a free man. Oh no, Keven the out-of-the-closet bachelor has been born.

You can bid on a rent check from Kevin Federline's life before Britney, with the words "insufficient funds" stamped on it. I don't know if I'd fork out the cash for that now...I hear supply is about to go about on this piece of memorabilia.

You can also buy Kevin a pair of shoes. He was being followed by the paparazzi in a sporting goods store Monday night. He asked one of them if they would pay for some shoes for him. And my how they spoil their boy, he got a $120 pair.


Denise Richards was getting annoyed by the paparazzi in Vancouver, so she somehow got a hold of their laptops and threw them off a hotel balcony. One of them hit an 80-year-old lady in the arm. Only minor injuries. Although you know that old woman's going to never stop complaining about that bruise.


Daniel, one of the more worthless Baldwins, has been arrested for stealing a car. It sounds like it may have been a misunderstanding, where Daniel was extremely strung out and not realizing he needed to ask permission to borrow someone's car for a couple days.


Paris Hilton went on a $7 thousand shopping binge last week. Taking a cue from Nicole Richie, she then tried to flush all the clothes down the toilet.

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